Watching the news about the Papal conclave I can’t help wondering why the Catholic Church still insists on this outdated method of choosing a pope. Because it ROCKS that’s why. All those cardinals have to maintain this holy image all the time but I bet when they go in there and those doors close it is time to PARRRRTAAAAY! I am sure they have a karaoke machine and they are in there singing Miley Cyrus songs, line dancing and grilling hot dogs and burgers which explains the black smoke. “No new pope yet, throw on some of those bratwurst!” You know it’s only a matter of time before someone breaks out the communion wine! Those old guys are getting down and the last guy to pass out becomes Pope. I’m pretty sure that’s how it happens.
I really think holding a conclave is the perfect way to decide lots of things in my life. Especially if it means that I can lock myself in my bedroom until I agree with myself which I am pretty sure won’t happen until after the kid’s bedtime. Of course since I am a mother I will have to hang a note on the door politely asking not to be disturbed.
Anyhow I made a list of things that I will now be deciding by conclave.
- What’s for dinner?
- Heels or flats?
- David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar?
- Beer or ice cream?
- Trim my hair or chop it off?
- Do these jeans make my butt look big?
- Is it ha-rass-ment or hairess-ment?
- Coke or Pepsi?
- Do I need to shave above the knee today?
- Who is hotter: Colin Firth in Pride and Prejudice or Colin Firth in Bridget Jones’ Diary?