I haven’t been writing much lately because I’ve been in a bit of a funk. Which really sucks because writing is like therapy to me, so yeah, I’ve been too bummed for therapy, folks.
The last couple of weeks have not been great. Physically I’ve been okay but I have been in a pretty dark place mentally. Every task I have seems like a mountain. I look at everything I am doing and none of it seems good enough. This is not the norm for me. I am usually a very happy, positive person. I am a sunshine exhaling, rainbow farting type of person. I look on the bright side of everything. While other people are walking around like Christopher Robin saying “Tut, tut it looks like rain,” I am walking around telling all the Tut-tutters to fold up their umbrellas and enjoy life, that every little black rain cloud has a silver lining.
So when the Pooh storm hits it takes me by surprise and then I turn into a real gloom and doom Eeyore with a bit of worry-wart Piglet thrown in for good measure. I try real hard to keep that shit inside so on the outside I am still nurturing, loving Kanga but it ain’t easy. I can only keep up that charade so long before I crack and turn into asshole Rabbit and those closest to me get a bit of the Pooh storm on them. Then I feel horrible and I know I need to crawl out of the rabbit hole that I’m in and start enjoying the sunshine again, but that doorway between me and the sunny world looks so tiny that I’m afraid I’m going to get stuck in it. And sometimes I do. I sit there halfway between the light and the dark and that’s usually when Know-it-all Owl shows up and starts telling me to “just shake it off and get over it.” Of course anyone who has been stuck in this Doorway of Blahness knows it’s not that easy and just when I think I will be stuck forever something magical happens – the right song comes on the radio at just the right time, or one of the kids will hug me for no reason (this doesn’t happen often with teenage and pre-teen boys) or a friend will call with news so wonderful that joy bounces back into your life like a big goofy Tigger and all is well again. So the one thing I have learned is that when an Eeyore moment (or week, or month) hits, a Tigger moment is just around the corner and you just have to wait for it to bounce and trounce on you and then hold on to it for dear life because it just may help get you through the next Pooh storm.