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Most girls want to live a Cinderella story. They want the fairy godmother, the charming prince and the fairy tale. They sometimes try to achieve this by doing something stupid such as going on a TV show like “The Bachelor” with a bunch of other desperate women who are all trying to win their own Cinderella story. However, I think they are forgetting a very important part of the Cinderella story. The beginning. Remember the beginning girls? Cinderella down on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor, talking to mice? That’s part of the story. And let’s not forget that bitchy stepmother and the two horrible stepsisters.

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My point is that if you want to live a Cinderella story it has to include the first part. The suffering, not so great part. I sometimes feel like I am stuck in that first part of scrubbing and conferring with non-humans (aka teenagers.)But you know what? –  I am fine with that. Even if I had a fairy godmother there is actually very little I would change about my life. Sure it would be nice to have some things be a little easier and I would like to do less housework and more writing, but over all I am very happy with my non fairy-tale life. I like the reality of my life and I think the lessons that I learn through the struggle are better than glass slippers and ball gowns. I may not make all of my dreams come true but the dreams I do achieve will be a result of my own hard work. And they won’t expire at midnight. Also I like my man a bit more rugged and less charming. I also like him to be able to pick me out of a crowd after a night together without making every girl in town try on a shoe.  But that’s just me.

I'm sure I would remember her breasts. Have all the girls in the kingdom show me their breasts...what? Fine. Then make them try on this shoe. I must find those breasts...er that girl!

I’m sure I would remember her breasts. Have all the girls in the kingdom show me their breasts…what? Fine. Then make them try on this shoe. I must find those breasts…er that girl!

Anyhow for those of you who do want to live a Cinderella story but you are having a hard time getting it started. I would like to help. Truly. Now I know I am no fairy godmother and I don’t have any prince charming matchmaking skills to speak of, but what I do have is a house that could use a good scrubbing and I can be delightfully bitchy. Just send me a message and I will guarantee you the start to your very own Cinderella story*. I might even throw in a few mice for good measure. Also I live with 3 males so when you’re scrubbing floors take a little extra care around the toilets, would you?

*This offer does not guarantee the appearance of fairy godmothers , prince charmings, and other bibbidi bobbidi boo shit that doesn’t actually exist. Only the scrubbing and the putting up with a bitch part of the Cinderella story are included in this wonderful offer. Sign up Now!

First tackle those toilets, then the mountain of laundry, clean out the fridge and then....

First tackle those toilets, then the mountain of laundry, clean out the fridge and then….

 

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