Yesterday morning Himself and I were sitting and eating breakfast together, which hardly ever happens but before you get some notion that it was a “Leave It To Beaver” moment let me tell you that I was behind my laptop and he was talking at me (yes at, not with) while I worked on some lesson plans for our home-schooled boys. I was saying the required amounts of “uh-huhs” and “that’s interestings” to make it seem like I was engaged. I know you all have done the same thing so don’t judge me.
In the middle of one uh-huh I started thinking “Did he just say he was going to a wedding?” At this point I actually stop multi-tasking and give him my full attention. “What?”
He repeats, “I’m going to a wedding on Saturday.”
Yeah he said exactly what I thought he said. But I still think that this needs clarification.
Me: YOU’RE going to a wedding … as in just you.
Himself: Yes. Daniel gave me an invitation the other day so I am going to go.
Me: And there was no plus one?
Himself: I don’t even know what that means.
Me: It means you get to take someone with you … like your wife. Weddings, funerals, family reunions, these kinds of things married couples usually attend together.
Himself: You WANT to go?
Me: That is not the point. The point is I think it is weird for a married man to go alone to a wedding. It’s just weird.
Himself: Do you even remember Daniel?
Okay granted, I don’t know the kid well, but for me that is totally beside the point. I know who he is and I have met him a couple of times. He is the cousin of my Himself’s best friend. And I know most of his family really well. But even if it was a total stranger I’m pretty sure that most husbands would still take their wife to the wedding instead of going stag.
Me: Yeah, I know who Daniel is. He was at OUR wedding. Remember that day? The day that you pretty much agreed that I was your date for everything for the rest of your life? Remember that? We had a bunch of friends there including Daniel and his family. You were wearing some kind of nice suit, I was wearing a white dress … does this ring any bells? It was kind of big deal.
Himself: Are you asking me if I remember what you wore at our wedding? That is ridiculous and I don’t even know what your point is.
This is not new. He rarely gets my sarcasm. So I have to spell it out for him. “My point is that I am going to the goddamned wedding with you because I have been stuck in this house with 2 kids and I could use an evening out and I would attend Satan’s wedding if it meant free food and cocktails!”
Okay, this conversation may have also included a mention of the girls that were going to be at the wedding and the fact that for some reason girls really enjoy flirting with my husband. So of course Himself is convinced that is the real reason I want to go to wedding and I should trust him and blah, blah, blah. Seriously? You think I am jealous? I am the least jealous person ever. I am totally going for the free food and drinks. Sometimes I think my husband doesn’t know me at all. Phshaw! Me jealous of flirting girls? I would offer his services to the first girl who poured me a glass of wine!