Today I am going to tell you about one of my husband’s most embarrassing moments. I have the right to blog about his embarrassment because he blames it all on me. Can you believe it? I couldn’t either. I know that I am a bit quirky and outspoken and prone to singing in the grocery store . . . in other words AWESOME! So I don’t know how anyone could be embarrassed by anything that I do.
Evidently the way I do laundry has left my husband open to all kinds of embarrassment and ridicule. Did I turn all his undies pink? Did I use female pheromone scented laundry soap? No! Much, much worse! I used a sheet fabric softener in the dryer. I will now go and collect my worst wife of the year award.
His complaint was not how wonderfully soft and static free his work pants were, it was that – brace yourselves- one of the sheets fabric softener evidently made it’s way into his pant leg only to emerge from the cuff in front of all the other guys! GASP!!!!
How embarrassing!!!! Believe me he is scarred for life! There is no getting over the fact that all the guys at work now know that he is wearing laundered pants! Oh, the humanity!!!
Evidently when one is folding clothes one is supposed to check the insides of the pant legs for rogue dryer sheets. I know, I too was unaware of this for the first 25 years of my laundering life. But if this step is skipped you may well ruin your husbands life. Frankly, I think if the clothes make it through the laundry and end up folded in the drawer I win!
You think I am joking but this has become a hot button issue in our house, Since the “great fabric softener” debacle every time Himself sees a sheet of fabric softener next to the laundry I’m folding he feels the need to ask “Are you going to throw that away?” And being the loving wife that I am and because I completely understand that I have caused him to have a phobia of fabric softener, I do my best to calm his fears “The fabric softener? Why would I throw that away? I keep those to slip into your pant legs whenever you annoy me.” He really gets my sarcasm and totally trusts me which is why he always scowls and says “NOT FUNNY!” and then grabs the sheet of fabric softener and throws it away himself while I holler “Hey! Where are you going with that? I think there is a pant leg here without a sheet of fabric softener in it!”
I guess I don’t really understand being embarrassed by a sheet of fabric softener. I mean come on, it’s not like it is a tampon string hanging out of your shorts or anything. His reasoning is “everyone will think I am a bachelor.” again, GASP!!! I counter with “The only thing people are going to think is that you are wearing clean pants.”
Actually I have come up with a great solution thanks to one of my favorite bloggers over at The Bearded Iris she has these great fabric softener balls that she crocheted. They are awesome and they look like boobies!!!
I honestly think that these wonderful boobies may be the answer to our problem because while having a sheet of fabric softener hanging out of the cuff of your pants at work is super embarrassing and worth complaining about for months on end, having a crocheted boobie roll out of your pant leg…not embarrassing AT ALL!
(insert maniacal laughter here)
Leslie Marinelli (@TheBeardedIris) said:
Bwhahaha! Too funny! One day, for funsies, you should save up a bunch of your used dryer sheets and cover a pair of his pants in them. It will drive him BATTY! Men. They are so easy to embarrass. I had a stray pair of dirty undies fall out of my pants leg at church once on my way up the aisle for communion. Now THAT’s embarrassing.
Lisa said:
I love that you think torturing your man is also perfectly okay to do as long as it’s for “funsies” Also I am hoping (fingers crossed) that the undie story is a blog post! I will have to search your archives. Please let it be a blog post. See how sick and twisted I am I take great pleasure is the discomfort of others. Which I think is fine as I also get a good laugh out of my own discomfort!
Peanutlayne said:
LOL! Hey at least you use fabric softener! I’m a terrible wife because I just dump all the clean clothes into a mountain in our bedroom and my hubby groans and moans every morning while he’s digging through the mountain trying to find clothes to wear to work.
Lisa said:
Someday I will write a blog about what happens when there is a mountain of laundry in our bedroom. I am really living with a big man-child!
Sarcasm Goddess said:
Hahahaha! Worst. Wife. Ever. How will your poor husband ever recover from such humiliation! I LOVE the name of your blog. Thanks for linking up!
Wineness said:
Well thank you for giving me the opportunity. I have been following your blog since you were yanking on turkey wieners!
Larks said:
Oh that poor, poor man. How will he ever recover? You’re more patient than me. I would have given him the side eye and been like, “Bummer. I guess you should check your pants more carefully when you put them on.”
Wineness said:
RIGHT?!?
TriGirl said:
Oh how could you??? Seriously, I like the idea of knitted boobie balls falling out of his pants much better.
Wineness said:
I am a horrible, horrible wife and I hang my head in shame! 😉
My Half Assed Life said:
Fabric softener sheets wouldn’t bother me at all. When I was in grade school I was THE misfit and I had one of my dad’s socks fall out of my pant leg. I just picked it up and shoved it in my pocket and was glad it wasn’t his underwear.
Wineness said:
Oh wow! That is a funny story. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, huh?