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I am having a difficult time getting a blog post written. I want to write, I have tons of thoughts swirling around in my head that I would very much like to put in order and get down on paper. (Can you still say that if you are typing on a computer? Get down on screen…I don’t know…) The problem I am having (as you can see) is FOCUS! I am not having a problem WITH my focus, the problem I am having is that I don’t seem to have any focus at all. I don’t know what happened to it, I just woke up one morning and it was gone. The fact that my focus seemed to take off at the same time I had children is a coincidence I’m sure. Having two adolescent boys and quite often their adolescent friends about has nothing to do with the fact that I cannot focus on writing (she says sarcastically)

I need to calm the chaos in my mind and find a thread of thought that I can turn into a blog post. I am truly at a loss here! There is only one thing to do under these circumstances…meditate. (You thought I was going to say drink, didn’t you? Don’t worry, we’ll get to that!) Meditation has been proven over thousands of years to be wonderful way to calm the jumbled mind and quiet the spirit. But how does a mother in a chaotic household find time for quiet meditation? Let me take you through the steps!

STEP 1: Find the quietest room in your house. In my case that is my bedroom. Don’t worry about the unmade bed you can deal with that later…on second thought go ahead and make the bed or it will be a huge distraction. Now I know that we’ve just made our bed but we are going to sit on the floor. Why? Because a sleep deprived mother does not sit quietly on the bed without napping. So sit down on the floor and…wait…is that popcorn? Who the fuck was eating popcorn in my room? Oh right…ME. Okay a quick vacuum and we are on to quiet meditation!

STEP 2: Spend 10 minutes trying to wind your too old body into that pretzely meditation pose you see all those peaceful, fit people doing, then give up and opt for the kindergarten “criss-cross applesauce” position.

STEP 3: Close your eyes and breathe in deeply…breathe out…breathe in…and I am definitely smelling dirty socks which are undoubtedly in a gross, sweaty ball at the bottom of the overflowing laundry basket. Okay let’s take a break from the meditation and get the laundry started so that we can focus on NOTHING!

STEP 3 (take two): Close your eyes…you know what…this isn’t going to work with all the video games and wrestling and what not going on in the house. So let’s go get our peace and tranquility on out in the yard. There is a nice breeze, the grass is cool…we should have done this in the first place!

STEP 3 (take three) Close your eyes and resume your breathing. Don’t let all the false starts get to you. Nothing worthwhile is easy and believe me, this whole peace and tranquility thing is SO going to be worth it! Breathe in…breathe out…breathe in…wait is that doggie breath? It is! You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding! Nice going Dog!!! I was just about to get my zen on when you came over all breathing in my face with your doggie breath.

STEP 3: (revised) Pet the dog for a few minutes which is oddly calming.

STEP 4:Make peace with your chaos. This is your life; the 500 questions an hour, (499 of which you answered an hour ago) the arguing, the constant electronic noises coming from the TV, computer, and various game systems, the endless whining, the chores, the meltdowns, the ever-loving joy of being a mom.

STEP 5: Go find that bottle of liquid peace and tranquility and pour yourself a big ol’ glass! And remember meditation is good for your soul and should be done daily!

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